Simple Toys

Before the influx of Western commercial games and toys, Arab boys and girls made up games, using objects such as stones or shells, or simply made objects such as a ball from an old pair of socks.

Dolls were made at home out of discarded clothing or rags. A grandmother usually assisted a girl in doll making. Some dolls were made by tying long and short sticks together with a strip of cloth to form a cross, the basis of a person. Then a piece of cloth would be stretched over a large button or wad of padding to make the head. More strips of cloth were wound round the two sticks, being careful to secure the head in place.

Dressing the doll depended on what girls and women of a particular region wore. The idea was to copy the style of clothing worn by real people. Dresses were long, with long sleeves as well. Girls didn’t mind that their dolls had no hands or feet, since these did not show.

Older girls would experiment with dolls that had a trunk, so that arms, legs and a head could be attached. The result would be a cloth doll sewn together by hand and filled with padded cloth, sand or seeds.

Breaddough was available to girls because they assisted their mothers with the kneading of dough for bread. Mother would give them some dough from which they fashioned small ovens, dishes and other tiny toys.

Stones were often used by boys as gaming equipment. In one simple game, very similar to American jacks, small stones would be gathered, then one tossed in the air, while the rest were gathered up in many different ways requiring greater skill with each round. The difficult part of this game, in contrast to jacks, where the tossed ball bounces once and is then caught, is to complete these maneuvers while the tossed stone is still in the air and then catch it before it hits the ground.

Slings were fashioned by the boys themselves. Traditionally woven from a length of wool acquired from mother’s needlework project, slings today are fashioned by boys using appropriately fork-shaped branches and pieces of old inner tubes from tires. Boys learn from each other how to make slings.

Such slings, it should be pointed out, are not used simply in play. Shepherds use them so skillfully that they are able to drop a stone exactly in front of a wandering sheep, causing the animal to turn and return to the flock. Slings are used in hunting too. Pigeons and such small birds as sparrows are a part of the diet in many areas, and are hunted with the sling.

Educational Patterns

Education to an Arab family means much more than what takes place in the formal school setting. The school meets the academic requirements—providing the child with basic skills, then following through with acquisition of knowledge both through the study of the accumulated knowledge of mankind and through the scientific method of experiment and observation.

It is the family, however, which instills a value system, social conscience, and the very rules which govern daily life and a complex system of social interaction.

A system of etiquette, called adab in Arabic, teaches the type of behavior expected of the well-behaved child, who is termed adib.Intrinsic values teach the child to: obey parents, respect elders, demonstrate politeness in the presence of elders. An adib is expected to be generous, cooperative, humble and helpful.

The child finds that the tongue is most important. Proverbs reproach those who: gossip, quarrel, lie or speak in ways less than kind: “What if a woman is beautiful, if she has an evil tongue?” “A kind word can attract even the snake from his nest.”

A happy countenance is important too. The prophet Muhammad said there are three things in this world which give joy: fresh water, fresh green, and a fresh and happy face.

Still other proverbs and sayings express values of honesty, cooperation, hard work and common sense. Such proverbs or sayings themselves are not relegated to the folk-legend or literature, but are commonly used to accentuate everyday conversation.

While patterns of behavior taught at home are reinforced at school, the school is not looked upon as a socializing agent or as a source of religious or moral teachings, but as the source of academic wisdom and training. How well the school fills this role varies from one part of the Arab world to the next. Education, for boys and girls, declined greatly during the past centuries of foreign domination and economic stagnation, and only recently have the Arab states, especially those producing oil, been able to finance mass education for both boys and girls. As in poor countries elsewhere, the luxury of education in the Arab world was, until now, reserved for boys as the future support of their families.

Educational services vary from one country to the next in the Arab world. Many are compulsory; some have separate facilities for boys and girls; all are free (some including university and schooling abroad). Some receive as much as 20 percent of their country’s annual budget, and a few have as desirable a student-teacher ratio as 12 to 1.

Formal schooling is highly regarded by the Arab family, which instills in its children a love of learning and respect for scholarly pursuits, as well as the family’s inherent teachings which carry over to the school, ie. “respect for elders” includes teachers, etc. Arab school children, of whatever age, are eager to go to school and take immense pride in their scholastic accomplishments.

As attention is drawn to the International Year of the Child, it is appropriate to consider the life of the Arab child. Of the Arab world’s 140 million people, some 45 percent are children (under the age of 15 years).

Recent development in this region has greatly improved the lives of all the people. For the children it has meant a declining infant mortality rate, a drastic reduction in childhood diseases, greatly increased educational opportunities for all children, including the handicapped child.

Few would deny that problems remain. But more than ever before, Arab children, psychologically prepared and with access to greatly improved medical care and the necessary education, will be well equipped to take advantage of the opportunities the future holds.

Early Child Care and Development

The birth and infancy of the urban Arab child differs little from that of the American child. Hospital procedures and child-rearing practices, at least in infancy, are very much like those in the West.

Long-standing practices, that continue today in some of the rural areas of the Arab world, are worth mentioning. Three traditional practices include: the mid-wife, the wet nurse, and swaddling.

At a time when midwifery is making a comeback in the West, this institution is quietly disappearing from many parts of the Arab world.⁴And while midwife methods varied greatly from one age to the next depending on local customs, one universal notion considers the birth process as being “women’s work” and shameful for men to be present. Hence the necessity for the daya (“midwife”).

The midwife obtained her knowledge empirically or from her mother. Usually an elderly woman, she was respectfully perceived as a mother and grandmother. The midwife, with several other women working under her supervision, kept order among the women present (relatives, friends), exhorting them to remember the seriousness of the occasion, while ordering them to tend to this or that.

The delivery completed, the mid-wife would then carefully examine the child. She would check the baby frequently during its first days and weeks.

Before the advent of the baby bottle, all babies were breast-fed by the mother and/or a wet nurse. To be fed, the baby required its mother at all times, for the baby must never be allowed to be hungry. No rigid feeding schedules; the Arab baby was and is fed often and upon demand, or at the slightest sign of restlessness.

If the mother was unable to nurse, or had died, the child was given over to a wet nurse. Sometimes, for example, during the busy harvest time when all labor is needed, the mother would be forced to leave her baby with a woman who had a baby and had offered her services as a wet nurse.

Beliefs concerning the influence of the wet nurse and her milk upon the child and its character were as numerous as the local customs involved. But one widespread custom defined children nursed by the same woman as foster siblings. A boy and a girl nursed by the same woman were considered brother and sister and could not marry.

Such foster-brothers and foster-sisters often helped each other throughout life and would call each other brother and sister.⁵

With the advent of the baby bottle and the substitution of animal’s milk for mother’s milk, nursing by another person was no longer necessary. Then too, the relationship of foster-brother and foster-sister, and all its consequent customs of caring and sharing, began gradually to disappear.

The third traditional custom, now confined to rural areas and related to babyhood, is the custom of swaddling infants. A midwife’s role included the bathing of the newborn infant in warm water to which she added salt and olive oil, both thought to be beneficial to the skin. Then the child was wrapped and wound in pieces of soft cloth, the total effect termed “swaddling.”

The midwife, the wet nurse and swaddling represent three ancient institutions which for millennia have played an important role in the birth and childhood of the people of this region. What of today?

While customs and practices have seen considerable change in the past century, important values have not changed. The underlying cultural values relating to childhood and the role of the child in the family have remained little altered.

The baby bottle is becoming extremely common and is associated by many Arab women with Western and emancipated ways. This is reinforced by makers of infant formula who would have their customers believe it is modern and scientific and that it ensures what we all want: what’s best for our babies.

The consequences for many babies in developing countries has been just the opposite. The Nestle Company is currently the target of a U.S. boycott campaign which cites this largest seller of infant formula to developing nations as responsible for much of the widespread “bottle illness” taking its toll of infants in Third World nations.

The degree to which the “Bottle Baby Scandal” is applicable to the Arab world is not clear. Most of the data related to “bottle illness” center on black Africa, South America and India, while little has come forth regarding the Middle East.

It is known that some Arab countries have taken measures to counteract the threat. Algeria, for example, has nationalized baby milk imports and distributes them now with clear warnings on the label. They have also initiated an intensive breast-feeding campaign in their 400 maternal and infant health clinics. Libya has made it mandatory for any business with 50 or more female employees to provide on-site nursery facilities so that mothers can breast-feed their infants. In Iraq, similar facilities can be found.

Whether fed by breast or bottle, the Arab infant is indulged, and this indulgence carries over in the transition to solid food, introduced at about the age of two. The general indulgence and permissiveness surrounding the Arab child extends also to sleep and toilet training, and is in line with more modern Western practices.

Discipline remains in the mother’s hands at this age. The mother scolds and spanks for misbehavior, but also offers encouragement to the child to walk and talk and, by the age of three, to toilet train.

Arab children usually learn to walk at a later age than many Western children. One popular theory explains that the constant fondling and carrying by adults, leaves little opportunity for the child’s feet to touch the ground.

At about the age of three or four the father and other male relatives begin to play a more important role in the child’s life. As the child begins to see the father as an authority figure, the mother’s role changes. It is she to whom the child is likely to turn for help with an angry or disagreeable father. Not unlike the roles played by Western family members, mother often intercedes with the father on behalf of her son, while the daughter is likely to seek the father’s intercession with the mother.

The Western stereotype of the stern authoritarian Arab father is not a correct one. The Arab father, to generalize, is neither “cold” nor “aloof” within the family circle. Usually warm and tender towards his children, he enjoys the physical contact—the romping and playing.

Childhood in urban areas lasts long and is a time of carefree games and amusements within a large circle of cousins, relatives and neighborhood friends. Boys in particular have few household responsibilities. After school and depending on age, girls (particularly the oldest girl) assist their mothers—fetching things, caring for younger children, while boys run errands, assist their fathers, or keep a watchful eye on younger brothers and sisters when adults are away.

Rural children play more of a role in the economic life of their family. They have more chores and greater responsibilities. Rural life for girls was, and is, equally hard, if not harder than that of boys. Doing women’s work, she cleans, baby tends, fetches wood, eggs and water, and works in the fields.⁷

The rate at which any Arab child progresses through developmental sequences of childhood, is, it should be noted, influenced by the child’s sex and sibling order and by family structure. For example, the care and treatment a first born boy receives compared with his sisters and later-born brothers is usually one of greater indulgence. The oldest girl has greater responsibilities as mother’s helper. Her childhood is short, and she has less time to spend with her peers. The oldest boy, although greatly spoiled, is most quickly pushed into adult associations and responsibilities. His responsibilities will be great indeed! The baby of the family, too, receives a great deal of attention (until he is replaced by another). And of course, the amount and quality of attention given to any one child depends on the size of the nuclear family and the availability of the extended family to meet some of the child’s needs.

Choosing A Child’s Name

Naming a new born child draws upon ancient practices and beliefs. Because Arabs view their children as blessed gifts and as the object of aspirations for the continuance of traditions and for the continuance of the family line, choosing a child’s name is approached with method, deliberation and even consultation.

Arab society traditionally consists of Muslims, Christians and other smaller minority groups, of various ethnic backgrounds and religious faiths. Despite this diversification, the people of the Arab world share a common culture and way of life. Patterns in choosing a child’s name may be categorized as: religious or historical, natural phenomenon, personality traits or occupation.

One custom that cuts across all religious lines is that children are never named after parents--or anyone still living. A child is occasionally named for an aging grandparent or aunt, for example, when that person makes such a request.

Since the time of Abraham, Jesus and Muhammad, giving names has followed a tradition of identification with the prophets themselves or others mentioned in the holy books--the Bible and the Koran. Arab Muslims use typical names found in the Old and New Testaments and the Koran. Ibrahim (Abraham), Suleiman (Solomon), Daoud (David), Musa (Moses), Yusuf (Joseph), Issa (Jesus), and Jibran (Gabriel) for boys, and Sara, Merriam (Mary) for girls, as well as names derived from descendants of the prophet Muhammad: Hashem, Hussein, Ali; and female names: Fatima, Aisha, Kadija. Of course the name of Muhammad from hamida-- “to praise,” “to thank,” is most frequently given to Muslim boys, along with its derived Mahmoud and Ahmed.

Another group of religious names often chosen by Arab Muslims are names of the Abed category. The prefix abed means “servant” with “God” understood, hence its meaning “servant of God.” The name Abed-allah literally means “servant of God.”

According to Muslim tradition, God has a hundred qualities or names. Ninety-nine of these names are known to man. Ninety-nine are the beads of the Muslim “rosary”—a bead for every one of God’s ninety-nine attributes which the Muslim theologian can say.³ The hundredth name, so it is said, is known only to the angels of Heaven. Some of these names are: Abdul-Rahim, Abdul-Karim, Abdul-Wahhab, Abdul-Rahman, Abdul-Hadi. Each has a literal meaning, ie. Abdul-Rahman (“Servant of the Compassionate”), Abdul-Aziz (“Servant of the Beloved”), but since the attributes all refer to God, all of these names can be figuratively seen as meaning “Servant of God.”

Proud of their history and civilization, Arabs often choose historical names such as Omar, Walid, Khalid, Tareq, Osama, for boys, and Khadija and Aisha, for girls. These may be thought of as religious/historical names because they are the names of leaders who were both political and religious. Interestingly, these are used in many areas by both Muslims and Christians, while in other areas by Muslims only.

The Crusades influenced Arab Christian names. Intermarriage between local Christians and European crusaders, as well as later European contact, introduced such names as George, Antonius, Frederick, Charles, etc., now common among the Christian population.

The attachment of the Arabs to nature finds expression in other names. Such terms as “the light of the sun” and “the cool of the breeze” or “the beauty of the moon” and names of birds, animals and plants are frequently manifested in Arab names.

Boys’ Names
Nour: “light”
Naseem: “breeze”
Asfour: “sparrow”
Laith: “lion”
Nimer: “tiger” >BR> Asad: “lion:

Girls' Names
Noura: “light”
Najma: “star”
Rema: “deer”
Suheila: “summer star”
Naura: “blossom:
Laila: “night”

Personality or character traits, in addition to numerous cultural values, such as nobility, courage, honesty, wisdom, loyalty, generosity, are built into names:

Boys’ Names
Sharif: ”honest”
Karim: “generous”
Sadiq: “friend”
Hakeem: “wise”
Marwan: “chivalrous”

Girls' Names
Sharifa: “honest”
Karima: “generous”
Amineh: “loyal”
Najeeba: “intelligent”
Fadela: “gracious”

What about family names? Traditional town or city dwellers tend to have family names drawn from ancestors’ occupations: This is similar to the Western pattern in which we see family names such as : Baker, Smith, Carpenter, Hunter, Weaver, Taylor, etc. The following are representative of the Arab pattern: Hajjar (stonemason), Haddad (blacksmith), Khayyat (tailor), Samman (grocer).

Often the father’s first name becomes the child’s second name (whether a boy or a girl). And sometimes the word Ibn (or Ben) meaning “son of,” or Bint, “daughter of,” inserted between the child’s chosen name and that of the father was all that was necessary in order to identify a person. But today the complexities of life and the resultant interactions between formerly distant town and tribes has necessitated a family name for everyone. A father, grandfather, or great-grandfather’s given name has become the family name—or the village name, the tribal name, or the like. (A woman, incidentally, does not upon marriage take the name of her husband. She retains for life her own family name.)

Children give their parents names too. The first son (or first daughter, if there are no sons) gives his parents new names. Upon becoming parents, the mother and father are thereafter referred to as “mother of X” and “father of X.” If the eldest son is Karim, for example, the father becomes Abu- Karim (“father of Karim”) and the mother becomes Umm-Karim (“mother of Karim”).

Family Roles

In the nuclear family, the mother’s first responsibility is to her children; she plays the key role in their early years. The father assumes an increasingly important role in the child’s third or fourth year, becoming the symbol of authority and chief disciplinarian.

Other members of the extended family have their roles. When the nuclear family lives in isolation, father and mother are expected to deal with all the child’s needs most often met by adults. Within an extended family, some of these needs may be met by aunts and uncles and adult cousins, because these individuals may be better equipped to deal with certain needs of the child than the child’s own parents. American teenagers and their parents would be the first to see the many advantages of such a family system. The Arab child simply has many more avenues of guidance, help and friendship.

Paternal uncles play a significant role in the child’s life. As a substitute father, the father’s brother assumes all the father’s responsibilities in the event the father dies or is incapable of performing them.

Grandparents in the extended family contribute to the child’s development. In the Arab world, prestige and power are attached to age--especially for the grandmother. Of course, the power grandmother wields largely depends upon the forcefulness of her own character. Grandmother often intercedes on behalf of her grandchildren and will even intercede in the disciplining being meted out by her son, the child’s father. Grandfather, if present in the child’s household, is the undisputed head of the family. Everyone submits to this authority. Grandmother submits at least overtly.

It is the grandfather, though not uncommonly the grandmother, who passes along an oral tradition through stories (often told as parables) and history. This prescribed role not only directs moral guidance and character development, but also endears the grandparent to the family.

What is the role of the Arab child in the family? Pampered and spoiled by a family of many adults, the child is the object of a great deal of physical contact. While lacking toys in the material sense of store-bought items, the Arab child does not lack amusements and games. The Arab child also has few responsibilities toward the family.

In analyzing the religious influences on child-rearing practices in the Arab world, it is not correct to speak of the “religious aspects” of the Arab child or of child-rearing practices, because this culture as a whole is religious. Religion permeates the whole of it. Life in its totality falls under the aegis of religion. It is a way of life, a code of behavior, a total frame of existence. Popular religion here is not of the pure theological character found among the ranks of the religiously educated.

Religion in this ancient land is to be seen as a new layer laid upon the older ancient layers of folk religion--continuing beliefs and practices that represent not only superstition but basic values which enrich and give meaning to life. Anthropologists have suggested that parallels in beliefs and popular practices in Judaism, Christianity and Islam might be traced to an older folk religion of the region.

The Child in the Arab Family

”Children are the wealth of the Arabs” proverbially describes the great joy that Arabs derive from their children. One particular story, with some variations, is often told to express the value of Arab children: A stranger visits a house where he sees no light, but many children. The same stranger visits a house with many lamps but no children. He then remarks: “The house with many children was lighted, but the house with lamps was dark.”
The Arab child is considered a gift from God, while the best marriage has traditionally been the one which produced the most children.Anticipated with delight and hope, not only by its parents, but also by its larger family, the expected child enters the total extended family as an enlargement of that family, not as an addition to it.
Though a son is greatly desired, especially as a first child, girls are pampered and cherished, particularly if preceded by boys. The prophet Muhammad reproached his followers for lamenting the birth of a daughter. This preference for boys is not unique to Arabs. In a 1974 survey, the Harvard Project on Socio-Cultural Aspects of Development found that few men in six developing nations listed girl children as first choice. Even in the United States, a large majority of parents, according to the Population Reference Bureau, would rather have boys than girls.
What form does the “family” take? Sociologists describe the traditional Arab family pattern as patrilineal, patrilocal, patriarchal, extended, familial, sometimes polygamous and endogamous.

Patrilineal, patrilocal and patriarchal refer to a traditionally male dominated society. Patrilineal considers every person as belonging to the father’s family; descent is traced through the male line; a person’s loyalty is directed to the father’s family. Patrilocal refers to the custom whereby a newly married couple resides in the house or compound of the husband’s father and family. Patriarchal describes a family system in which the father has authority over the family (at least outwardly).

Extended encompasses not only father, mother and minor children, but also grown sons and, if married, their wives and children.

Polygamous identifies the practice of a man taking more than one wife at a time, and, with regard to Arab cultural patterns, is an incorrect term. It has been a Muslim practice, but the terms “Arab” and “Muslim” are not synonymous. The rise of Islam actually reformed the practice as it existed in Arabia, and today polygamy is illegal in many Arab countries, representing no more than 5-8 percent of Arab marriages.

Endogamous describes a pattern of marriage preference within a narrow circle of relatives, traditionally between a man and his father’s brother’s daughter, often called “cousin-right.”

Familial stresses family interests and requires the individual to govern his actions with the family in mind. In this regard, Arab culture is correctly called a familial or kinship culture.

The extend to which endogamy, polygamy, or any of the other aforementioned practices are followed or ignored, is a function of traditionalism, area, urbanization, education and convenience.

The conjugal or nuclear family predominates in all but the rural areas of the Arab world. While extended in the sense that relatives live in close-proximity—the same compound, same neighborhood, same town—the family is no longer patrilocal in the sense that the extended family all lives under the same roof with the grandfather at its head.

Large city residences, which sometimes housed 30-40 persons at the turn of the century, now serve as schools or headquarters for institutes or as separate dwellings for nuclear families.

Despite the change, the nuclear family still exists within the framework of the extended family, whose interdependence in business and public life is just as strong as in domestic affairs and personal relationships.

Some traditional functions of the extended family are declining. Trade unions, social security, factory legislation, for example, represent the current presence of the state, formerly under family jurisdiction. As the state performs more functions, including education and the regulation of marriage, the traditional family influence will decline.

The Arab child, then, is at all times part of his nuclear family and his extended family circle, within which he receives security and self-fulfillment and offers his devotion and loyalty. Each member, according to his or her age and status, has a secure place with definite duties and obligations. The importance of this kinship can be seen in the custom of the child being addressed by members of the family, not by his name, but by the one which describes his relationship to the speaker. The child’s world quickly becomes peopled with kin of specific designation, each with a special set of mutual rights and obligations.